never gotten over someone...march 2 2013

when you say that
you never gotten over someone
what exactly does that mean ???
that you tried to run them over with your jeep
but their body is too  fat
that they ran away from you
as you were abut to blow their head off their shoulders
and you still regret missing them
really
i am just curious

what does it mean ???

neglectful wife

if you are being a neglectful wife
not catering to your husbands needs
and all that other stuff 
and you are wondering if he
is meandering around on you
you know
fucking other women
let me put your mind at rest
no need to worry
relax
take it easy 

because he is 

dating

i have had a few bad dates in my life
but the weirdest was the one where
my date brought her sister
i was going to say something provocative
like : "does she want to watch?"
but i decided not to
i was very polite
and have never seen her again
to this very day

heartburn

so this kid had heartburn
(he was an adolescent gay
it was probably from swallowing too much sperm)
anyway
that's beside the point
get this
his mother yelled at him
for having heartburn

weird , eh???  

our church needs pens

do you want a power filled church???
one that has the victory over satan
and shit like that ???
well , you have come to the right place
we offer you holy ghost ball point pens
in three different spirit filled colors
complete with the address of your assembly
and the name of your pastor

do not hesitate
and if you order now
get your absolutely free
demon sanctified paper clips
guaranteed to heal you of all kinds of nasty stuff

order today while supplies last  

making love

the young couple were going to
make love in the cave
however
when his lips approached her naked breast
he could not help but notice
that a fruit bat was already there
sucking away

so much for young love 

polo

so it came to pass
that the coach of this kids polo team
turned out to be a pervert
the parents
of course
were fuckily-ducked 
so they got together
pooled all their anger , fear
and rage
killed the fucker
and hired another coach
who , of course
turned out to be
another pervert 

but they felt good anyway

my first pussy

i remember the first pussy
that i licked
how could i ever forget
it turned around
and scratched me across
my fucking face

then there was the
second pussy...

blame

i could blame religion
i could blame booze or drugs
but nobody made me
smoke
drink
or shove up my ass
any of that crap

in the final analysis
it is we ourselves
who make up our own "mind"

back in the 70's

back in the seventies
in the n.h.l.
gerry cheevers was the coolest goalie
jaques plant was the best
tony espo had the highest number
glen hall was the highest
and ken dryden
became a politician
and taught us all
that running a country
was like lacing up a pair of skates