graffiti purging

problem with graffiti on your house
for 20 dollars we will hunt the fucker down
and shoot his fucking brains
all over the fucking place
20 extra dollars and we will
even clean up the mess

and a free puppy with
the second killing 

the shrink

i went to see a shrink
he just sat there and listened to all my problems
nodded his head and
shit like that
you know , the usual stuff
anyway , that sunday
i saw him in church
he was wearing a t. shirt
with a picture of me on it
and all around the picture
he had listed my problems
every fucking thing i told him
then he pointed at me and laughed hysterically
he approached me and  said :
"are we still on for tomorrow ???"

st. peter

you get really drunk and stoned
in the middle of the woods somewhere
and you , in the tradition of substance abuse
piss all over this guy in a hammock

next scene :
you are at the "pearly gates" with st. peter
now tell me this , einstein
how in the fuck do you
talk your way out of this one ???

believe

i don't believe it either
of course
i didn't see it
and that makes a difference
you know
to a certain extent , anyway
non-the-less
i do not believe
what you are saying

fuck it
let's go eat some chicken
the fried kind 

the catholic church and homosexuality

at this point in time , the roman catholic church
discriminates against homosexuality
that is to say
a pack of men
who don't touch women
who live together
wearing skirts and shit like that
who have a long established history
of fiddling with little boys
are against being gay

got it !!!

sweet baby james...

i remember when i was a kid
james taylor and his wife , carley simon
getting a divorce
fuck , it was the only celebrity marriage
i ever believed in
and it went to shit

you know , i was just a boy
now i understand the workings of a marriage
that is , it is a lot easier
to get out of a good relationship
than a bad one
fact of the matter is
the shit in the seams of  the mess 
holds it together like glue

so i feel better now

the doctor

so the dr. gave this fellow
a box of pills to make his dick hard
thing is
ever since that day
he stopped worshiping the pope
and began worshiping the dr.
he would go to church
and during the prayer time
he would holler out
praise dr. mcdonald
praise his mighty name
all knees bow
to the mighty dr.
amen and praise god
you know , shit like that

the most interesting part :
once the congregation figured out
what was going on
they converted too